Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Little Rock

The other day on VH1 Classic I saw some very old footage of the guys from AC/DC cavorting around what looked like London; if I had to guess, I'd say it was from about 1978, given that Angus Young was wearing only skintight cutoff denim shorts. There was really only a brief period when men would wear things like that, but then again Angus's wardrobe choices have always been idiosyncratic.

But the shorts weren't what struck me about Angus Young -- it was the short. He was significantly smaller than the other guys in the band, who didn't appear to be all that large to begin with. I looked around on the Internet and found that Angus stands five foot two. That's wee! No wonder he wears little-kid clothes.

So, with the invaluable assistance of the Web site Celebrity Heights, I have compiled the following list of musicians and singers who are not, shall we say, big. I listed all those gentlemen I found who were under five foot eight (just barely eliminating people like Ryan Adams at 5'8, Lou Reed at 5'8, and Keith Richards at 5'8 and a half) and whom I was interested in for one reason or another. I didn't list, for example, all of the Small Faces, who actually had to change their name was then five-foot-ten Rod Stewart came aboard. And may I say that this list is much longer than I expected:

Bryan Adams: 5'7 and a half
Jon Anderson: 5'5
Marc Anthony: 5'6 Jennifer Lopez is five foot five.
Billie Joe Armstrong: 5'7
James Blunt: 5'7
Big Boi: 5'6 The name is ironic, you know.
Bono: 5'6 and a half When I see footage of him onstage, he always seems to be built like a tight end. It must be the boots.
James Brown: 5'6
David Cassidy: 5'6 and a half
Phil Collins: 5'6
Rivers Cuomo: 5'6 and a half
D’Angelo: 5'6
Roger Daltrey: 5'6
Glenn Danzig: 5'4
Chris DeBurgh: 5'6
Rick Derringer: 5'4 Hoochie koo, indeed.
Bruce Dickinson: 5'6 These heavy metal singers are little, aren't they? See also...
Ronnie James Dio: 5'4 I'm not sure I trust this one. Dio may not be over five feet.
Fats Domino: 5'4
Bob Dylan: 5'7
Jose Feliciano: 5'5
Flava Flav: 5'6
Flea: 5'6
Peter Frampton: 5'7 and a half
Gordon Gano: 5'4
Lou Gramm: 5'6
Kirk Hammett: 5'7 and a half
Adam Horovitz: 5'6 King Ad Rock. To quote John Lennon, "Above us, Ione Skye."
Billy Joel: 5'5
Elton John: 5'7 and a half Put together, the Piano Men total eleven feet plus half an inch.
Davy Jones: 5'3 Was once a jockey. I'm not kidding.
Howard Jones: 5'7 and a half
Quincy Jones: 5'6 and a half
Cee-Lo: 5'6 and a half
Nils Lofgren: 5'3 That's really little for a guy who's never been known of as little.
Joel Madden: 5'7 I thought they were identical twins, but apparently Benji is a few inches taller.
John Cougar Mellencamp: 5'7 and a half
Moby: 5'7 and a quarter
Larry Mullen Jr: 5'7 Bigger than Bono, at least.
Willie Nelson: 5'6
John Oates: 5'4 and a half
Prince: 5'2
Tommy Ramone: 5'5 Joey, meanwhile, was six foot six.
Trent Reznor: 5'7
Ja Rule: 5'6 and a quarter
Leo Sayer: 5'4
Neil Sedaka: 5'5
Tommy Shaw: 5'5 and a half
Paul Simon: 5'2
Frank Sinatra: 5'7 and a half
Sisqo: 5'4
Phil Spector: 5'5
Billy Squier: 5'6 Who would have guessed? He looks positively lanky on the video for "The Stroke."
Ringo Starr: 5'6
Lars Ulrich: 5'5 and a half
Steven Van Zandt: 5'7 Hence, Little Steven.
Eddie Vedder: 5'7
Pete Wentz: 5'6 and a half
Andy Williams: 5'6 and a half Love him to death, of course.
Paul Williams: 5'2
Bill Wyman: 5'6 I think these guys growing up in postwar England suffered from poor nutrition.
Thom Yorke: 5'5.5

Little Richard, by the way, is five foot ten.

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